Sunday, January 11, 2009
Cancer is an Unwelcome Houseguest
So, it's Sunday, and I skipped another day of web updates. I just really don't have anything new to talk about, I suppose.
I had dinner with my friend Cailin on Friday night. We went to the Local in downtown Minneapolis--I always love eating there. It's an Irish restaurant and bar, and they have really tasty food. I'm sad that Cailin is leaving, but I'm happy for her, too, because she is leaving to go do something she really wants to do. I'm really proud of her for doing what she's doing--I know how much guts it takes to pack everything up and move somewhere new, where you don't know anyone at all (I've done it!).
Yesterday, my friends Bobbi and Michelle stopped by and we drove out to the barn I work at. (Thanks, ladies!) It was nice to see the people I was able to see there yesterday. We even walked out to see the new cross-country stuff in the back of the property. I thought I would be huffing and puffing like an out of shape wrestler, but I did very well. We then came back and made a bunch of tasty treats--cranberry oat bran muffins, oatmeal raisin cookies, and banana bread.
I also realized last night that I have no idea how I was able to complete the two problem sets for physics. Not only am I pretty sure I didn't have the right answers to begin with, but I don't remember how I came to those answers in the first place. Unfortunately, this means that I will not be able to get those done before tomorrow. I don't know what that means for my grade, but I guess I will find out. I simply don't care anymore; I just want to get it over with. I'm so frustrated with the whole situation.
T-minus two days until my next chemo. Am I supposed to prepare for it? (Are you pumped? Are you psyched?) I have a hard time getting pumped to go have caustic chemicals forced into my veins. It really is quite easy to forget that I have cancer most days, but we'll see in a few days if my sentiments will change. From my limited view, cancer is kind of like the sneaky 'friend' that likes to stay over all the time. At first, you don't realize that he's there all that much because he doesn't want to make any waves. He doesn't want to piss you off so that you kick him out, so he flies just under your radar. He takes up just a little corner of your apartment, folds his blankets up in the morning, and cleans up after himself. After a while, he gets comfortable and starts to take over your life. He brings his stuff, he brings his friends, and before you know it, he is eating all your food, drinking all your beer, and become completely obnoxious and you have no idea what to do about it or how it got that way. Well, my sneaky 'friend,' I have a way of getting rid of you. I'm going to scrub you with Comet and squirt you with Drano until you leave. (I don't suggest doing this with actual people. I think there are laws against it.) Unfortunately, I am going to get Comet and Drano all over myself as well, but that's just a risk I'm willing to take in order to make you leave. You don't belong here. You weren't welcome in the first place, you worthless freeloader. And when you are finally gone, I am going to keep up with the Comet and Drano until all the places you occupied are spotlessly clean. It will be like you were never here. And when you are gone and I can have my life back again, I am NEVER going to give you the satisfaction of a second thought.
Is is strange that I anthropomorphize my cancer? I mean, when you think about it, it IS a part of me. That, I suppose, makes it just as human as I am. The cancer is a collection of cells, I'm a collection of cells. The difference between us is that I'm not going to suck the life out of anyone.
Well, that is my rant for the day. Tomorrow, Ted and I are going to the funeral for his sister's brother (no, he was not Ted's brother. Wrap your head around that one.). He was killed in a car accident last week, and I know she is heartbroken. She has my every sympathy--I'm not for a second going to pretend I have any idea what she's going through. I'm mainly going to show my support for her and her family. This was a horrible thing to happen, but as I have had my own brush with mortality, I'm coming to the realization that these things are a part of life. An unfortunate, really crappy and unfair part of life, but a part of it nontheless.