Yeah, yeah, yeah...it's been a while. I have good reason, though. It has nothing to do with the Hodge, I promise.
I'm going to be a little vague with some of this, mostly because I want to cut the drama out. Drama is stressful and I just don't feel like detailing that at all. It's been quite difficult, which is why I haven't had a new post for quite some time. I just wasn't ready to open up about any of the things that have been happening. I feel I'm ready now, and my faithful readers deserve an updated
Where to begin? Right off the bat: Ted and I have been experiencing some difficulties in our marriage. He is, of course, away a LOT for training and his job at Camp Ripley. Most of what our difficulties stem from is money, my health, and money. Did I mention money? Things between us reached a boiling over point at the end of December. We decided at that time that a separation would be prudent, so he stays at Ripley and I have been spending a lot of time at my parents' place. We are working through our issues; we will both be seeking individual counseling as well as marriage counseling. A couple's retreat is also in the works but we have to wait for a time when Ted is not working or training. Our marriage is important enough to both of us that we are more than willing to work at it. We have a long road ahead of us.
I knew months ago that this was going to be difficult for me. To lose both Harley and Noel, in the same year, a mere few months apart (and both on the 22nd of the month) was just too much for me, I think. I don't feel that I have been dealing with this well--or really, at all. I know that I need to face this but every time I try to do so, my brain just shuts me down so I don't or can't. My coping skills are pretty much non-existent. They always have been. I don't know what to do with the pain so I just smash it all down inside. YES, I know that this isn't the way to go about things but my brain feels that shut-down mode is the best way. At times, it has been--when Harley passed I poured all of my energy into my work. I felt that I had a job to do and that it should take priority. I simply took it too far, I think, and even when the job was done I didn't do anything about the pain in my heart. I feel like I will deal when I'm ready to.
7/12/2012: I wrote this post ages ago and will be posting again shortly with the rest of the disaster that is my life. Stay tuned!!