Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Baseball games and Roid Rage

I went to a Saint Paul Saints game yesterday with Ted and my good friend Michelle. It was a lot of fun--much more relaxed than a major league game, for sure. I will post a few pictures on here.

The past few days have been the usual post-steroid discomfort and moodiness. The steroids cause edema, so I feel like an overfilled water balloon, and boy am I SORE. My joints ache like they are a hundred years old. Percocets are always my best friends during this time. None of my clothes fit--I have to literally squeeze myself into my t-shirts. If you were to even touch my arm, I would cringe in pain. The best part of all this? It will soon be over! I won't have to endure this again in two more weeks! I love how that sounds: it's OVER. OVER. DONE. FINISHED. TREATMENT COMPLETED. NO MORE. While I know that the threat of the cancer returning is very real, it is also not very likely because of how early we caught mine. I'm really looking forward to getting back to a sense of "normalcy," whatever that means.

The word "normal" doesn't have the same meaning for me anymore. It's hard to define something as "normal" when your perception has changed so much. Even though I didn't want this to happen, having cancer has definitely changed me. But maybe that's a good thing. I have a perspective on life that I wouldn't otherwise have had. I think I have also gained a lot more patience than I had before all of this, as well as a new appreciation of the things life has to offer. I'd like to expand on this a bit but my moody brain won't let me. I've also had too much coffee and my heart is beating too fast for its own good! Maybe later.

Right now, the patience thing doesn't apply. I'm so moody from the steroid that every little thing is annoying the crap out of me. My computer is doing some wierd thing where the keystrokes are all delayed and my music keeps skipping and I'm about to throw the stupid thing across the room. I realize it's been on and working longer than normal (it's old and in desperate need of an upgrade), so I haven't thrown it yet.

Well, check out the pics (if I can ever get them posted!!!).



  1. goingnuts2003@gmail
    your blog just totaly put me at ease. my bff with breast cancer just had her LAST round yesterday ( #8 )Yippy! But the "roid rage" is taking it's toll more this time than the others. i'm working up the strength to get back over there to relive her daughter. people who truly love you won't mind the napkin holder being trown at their head toooo much ,at least i don't lol :) like all things it to shall pass. G'luck with yours!! and hey Rescue me is on tonight :)

  2. Hello Nicole!! I am glad that you had a good time at the Saints game! I love the picture that Michelle sent of you guys! I have it as my background on my phone!! :) Its amazing.
    I know where you are coming from, the more you learn and understand about life the less you able to define what normal means. It seems like there are always exceptions to the rule and things always change.
    Keep your head up high! Like you commented on one of your photos on facebook, you have a lot to smile about! I think that we all do. :) And you have even more to smile about because now you are able to truly get back to the life that you love! No distractions, no restrictions, only freedom. :)
    I cant wait to hang out with you when I get back home!! Love you very much!! <3

  3. Ha ha! Eventhough I just read this post on your other site a few hours ago, I thought your title meant hemroid rage, hahaha! XO


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