Beautiful Day!

Windows open...check.
Shorts...check.
Flip-flops...check.
Dog shampoo...uh, check, but I will have to get some more after today.
Lots of clean towels...check.
Sunshine...wow, big CHECK.
Turn the TV off...check.
Make iced tea...check.
Plan for a walk tonight...check.
Cool mix on iTunes...check.

An absolutely perfect day. My desktop gadget says it's 72, my outdoor thermometer says it's 74. A slight breeze is rustling the tall trees in the back yard. It's days like today that inspire me, not the dreary days of winter and the unending cold. These days inspire me to do more, get out of the house, actually get dressed instead of parading around in my jammies.

I never in a million years thought that a diagnosis of cancer would change me so much. I've never been a homebody; sitting still for too long bores me. I enjoy getting outside, being with friends, exploring, helping. Lately, though, that doesn't seem to be me. I feel like I've been hiding out--most days, I don't even get dressed. I gotta change that. I need to stop taking for granted this second chance I've been given. I have my health back, and that is something I will never again take for granted. There's nothing like being healthy and feeling good.

I'm slightly nervous about going back to school in the fall, and not for the reason you might think. I've seen most of my friends since all of this craziness happened. What I'm nervous about is running into people I haven't seen in a while and having to explain everything that has occurred. I despise telling the same story, over and over again, which is why I started blogging. I just don't want to have to re-live all of this crap all over again. I'm also nervous about returning to my previous life with this different perspective. I find myself getting irritated when people complain about things--everyday things, like a late bus, a deadline for a paper, getting a bad grade, a shrunken sweater after it was mistakenly put in the dryer. These things seem so ridiculous to complain about now. I am just going to have to remember that my perspective is different than others, that their complaints are just as valid as mine (though I will still feel that some complaints are just ridiculous).

I think I will bathe my dogs today, and take the one that doesn't have allergies (Harley) for ice cream later. Poor Cody, I will shower him with treats later. Allergy boy can't have any ice cream, only fish and venison treats. It sounds like there is terriffic weather all over, so I hope everyone takes advantage!!

Baseball games and Roid Rage

I went to a Saint Paul Saints game yesterday with Ted and my good friend Michelle. It was a lot of fun--much more relaxed than a major league game, for sure. I will post a few pictures on here.

The past few days have been the usual post-steroid discomfort and moodiness. The steroids cause edema, so I feel like an overfilled water balloon, and boy am I SORE. My joints ache like they are a hundred years old. Percocets are always my best friends during this time. None of my clothes fit--I have to literally squeeze myself into my t-shirts. If you were to even touch my arm, I would cringe in pain. The best part of all this? It will soon be over! I won't have to endure this again in two more weeks! I love how that sounds: it's OVER. OVER. DONE. FINISHED. TREATMENT COMPLETED. NO MORE. While I know that the threat of the cancer returning is very real, it is also not very likely because of how early we caught mine. I'm really looking forward to getting back to a sense of "normalcy," whatever that means.

The word "normal" doesn't have the same meaning for me anymore. It's hard to define something as "normal" when your perception has changed so much. Even though I didn't want this to happen, having cancer has definitely changed me. But maybe that's a good thing. I have a perspective on life that I wouldn't otherwise have had. I think I have also gained a lot more patience than I had before all of this, as well as a new appreciation of the things life has to offer. I'd like to expand on this a bit but my moody brain won't let me. I've also had too much coffee and my heart is beating too fast for its own good! Maybe later.

Right now, the patience thing doesn't apply. I'm so moody from the steroid that every little thing is annoying the crap out of me. My computer is doing some wierd thing where the keystrokes are all delayed and my music keeps skipping and I'm about to throw the stupid thing across the room. I realize it's been on and working longer than normal (it's old and in desperate need of an upgrade), so I haven't thrown it yet.

Well, check out the pics (if I can ever get them posted!!!).

Cheers!