"Cancer? What cancer?"
(I'm trying to psyche myself up for being "normal" again.)
"No, I shaved my head on a dare. It's just been slow growing back."
"I'm pudgy now because I spent all summer on the couch watching reruns of The Fresh Prince, eating Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie. It was great!"
(Sarcasm is my specialty. It makes me feel so smart.)
"I took a semester off from school to join the circus. I tell you, picking up elephant poo is no walk in the park!"
"Oh, you mean THAT giant scar on my chest. I got into a fight with a tiger a while back. Here's some advice: don't EVER make fun of a tiger's mom. They hate that."
"Stare all you want; I don't get any prettier."
"I learned something. You know how they say a paper cut is the worst kind of pain? WRONG!!!!"
"Oh, you don't have to go to Walgreen's. I have a pharmacy right here in my bathroom!"
"You feel this little bump on my chest? I was abducted by aliens, and they implanted a voice recorder there. Shhh, they can hear you."