Monday, July 27, 2009

Has it really been that long?

Wow, I didn't realize until today how long it's been since I last wrote anything. No news is good news, right? I really do need to get back in the habit of writing--it is so therapeutic.

Things have been kind of a rollercoast
er over the last month. My relationship with Ted has been very strained, and I hate to say this but it's because of money. I'm not working--my old job doesn't have any regular hours for me right now--and it doesn't look like I will be any time soon due to this crappy economy. I have come to realize that I can no longer afford to live in the house we are in. I hate that, because it means we have to move. I like our landlords a lot, I like the house and the neighborhood we live in. Plus I just flat out don't want to move. Of course, I get angry about it because if it hadn't been for the cancer, things would be fine because I would still be working. I know I can't dwell on that because I am bummed enough about our situation. I hadn't planned on having to look for another job until after I graduated--I am unprepared for having to interview with anyone. I have nothing nice to wear (the things I do have are too small now because of the stupid CANCER WEIGHT!!!). Buying stuff is out of the question. It is what it is...I just have to deal with it. I'm still having some trouble with my health insurance...that's a story all in itself so I'm not going to get into it here. It's slowly getting figured out, but all I can say is to those of you who support government backed health care, well, if it is going to be anything like what I have had to deal with then I'd rather go without. You can also ask anyone who has had to deal with the VA hospitals (which are government run), and they will tell you that government run health care is a bad idea in general. I agree.

I have my final PET/CT scans on Wednesday of this week. I'm sure they won't show anything new, so I'm not really anxious or anything (although the thought IS in the back of my mind, always). I'm actually more annoyed than anything, because I won't get to eat breakfast and I have to sit and try to nap for an hour. Stupid cancer has ruined everything, and now I'm left to try to put the pieces of my life back together.

My hair is growing back. I will post a pics soon. My eyebrows grew back completely about two weeks ago (darn it!), and I have to shave my legs again. But the hair on my head is growing back somewhat quickly--it's about 3/4 of an inch long. I've suddenly got all this peach fuzz all over my face that I never had before--you know, like what you have when you're a little kid. I hope it goes away soon because when I wear makeup it sorta makes me look like I've got a radioactive glow (and who would question that after I tell them what's been injected into my body? HAHA.).

On a more somber note, last week the cancer community lost a brave and inspiring young man. His fight against leukemia was long--most of his 12 years on this Earth--but he is finally at peace and without pain. His family has been left with a hole in their lives, but they are strong and they soldier on. Please, take a moment to visit the site of Kyle Lindgren and read the words his mom Denise had to say about her son.

I went to the Covey family reunion in Winner, SD this month and had a blast! It was fantastic to see everyone again, as well as meet a few new faces. I hope that I am able to do it again soon. I was also able to spend some time catching up with a very dear friend of mine. It was a really good trip.

That's all I have for now. I promise, I will try a lot harder to update more often...I miss writing.

I hope everyone is well!


  1. You are so pretty but I understand exactly how you feel. Cancer has really messed my life up; my successful part time business is on hold because I cant work due to risk of infection and my reflexes are affected by chemo. I have put on weight, my hair is well growing back but still not what I like. I cant do all the things I loved such as running and swimming..... cancer is so bad!

    Are there no benefits you could claim for? In our country we are so lucky because there are a variety of benefits available to us including disability living allowance.

    I am in such a lucky position in that my husband is able to support us but it still sucks cos money is tight.

    We will get through this honey, keep focused, put a smile on your face and try to think positive x

  2. Nicole...hang in there, you will get through this and on the other side there will be a stronger and braver women.

  3. Hello my friend. I read this this morning and totally understand what you're going thru, except for the live in boyfriend part :)

    Health care sucks, paying rent sucks even more. It all stinks. Have you looked into any resources? Please please please tell me you applied for the LLS financial aid last month? Also, have you looked into the SAMFund? They do stuff like pay your rent for a month or school stuff... and since you're a student, I think it's easier to apply. I have a few posts on my site with lists of resources, and hopefully you can utalize some of them while you're still eligible.

    Anywho, always thinking of you and please let me know if there's anything I can do.


  4. I can understand how you feel. I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer last fall right after I started a new job. I was trying to explain to my husband recently the anger and frustration I feel but he just doesn't understand. I told him that within a year everything has changed because of cancer. Anyway, we now have anew normal. I hope you find a home that you can afford and enjoy.

  5. By the way, you can make your playlist fit if you mess around with the html and make the width smaller. But you have to change it in like 6 different places in the code! You might have to experiment with different sizes till you find one that works.

  6. i hope that your scans went well today! i have mine second set (the in-the-middle-of chemo ones) in a week and a half... i'm kind of nervous.

    i'm also jealous about the hair - i'm going to have to wait until the end of november to get any back, but fortunately i still have eyebrows & eyelashes!

    i started blogging in june when i got diagnosed with Hodgkin's, and i'm so happy to have stumbled across your blog!



Thanks for reading my blog, and I hope you will be commenting. I enjoy hearing from others. NO SPAMMERS! NO SOLICITING! I do appreciate feedback, but please keep it relatively clean and try not to be a jerk. Trolls are never welcome. Offensive, condescending, or irrelevant posts will be deleted and the poster will be blocked and reported. The comment section of my blog is not a place for dialogue or chatting so please kindly take this elsewhere.