No, I haven't disappeared...

Wow. It's been a REALLY long time since I have posted anything at all on my blog. I apologize for that, and I assure you that it wasn't due to a health crisis!

The pic was taken at the Taste of Minnesota last year during the Seether/Offspring/311 concert. Which was AMAZING!

The last year and a half has been a steady string of difficulties, both financial and otherwise. As most of you already know, Ted and I were married last year. That has been the highlight of it all. We have experienced a LOT of financial issues ranging from Ted's pay constantly getting screwed up by the ARNG and his coming off of active duty to no civilian job, to me losing my job in March. A week after I lost my job, I nearly lost my sweet Harley to a burst spleen that was the result of hemangiosarcoma--cancer. With help from my mom (thanks, mom!!!), we bought her some time with an emergency surgery to remove her spleen. Hemangiosarcoma is pretty much a terminal condition. We nearly lost our home and had our power shut off this month, but were able to secure financial assistance through the VA. They also provided us with some food from their food shelf. I finally had to take a break from school as my grades were dropping precipitously, so I have taken spring and summer off and plan to resume in the fall. I have not been able to secure employment yet. My neuropathy has been accelerating--I am now losing muscle in both hands and the pain was becoming so debilitating that I wasn't getting much sleep. My regular doc put me on gabapentin and an antidepressant, which seem to be helping for now. One bright spot has been that Ted went back to work with Braxton Hancock (the company that laid him off over two years ago) two weeks ago. I don't want to elaborate too much on those details just yet; what I DO want to do is share something with all of you--especially those who know me as kind of a cynical, sarcastic jerk. While that is definitely what makes up most of my personality, those close to me (especially Ted) get to see a different side of my psyche on occasion. Below are a few excerpts from something I wrote for Ted. Yes, there was a lot more, but that is between Ted and me ;-)

Music speaks to me. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like I can see the keys and chords. Every note is a vision into an interpretation of the melody and lyrics and every bar is a cohesive explanation of what brings the sounds together to create something representative of the full intention behind the music. That is the reason I have picked up many different musical instruments and always have an open mind to musical interpretation. Anyhoo, the whole point of this is that while ALL music speaks to me, especially that which I have written myself, there is a very small subset of songs from other musicians that dig me out of my own universe and speak even louder. I'm not a very emotional person and talking about matters of the heart like this is VERY foreign to me; I feel that the music that I love is able to stir me up and connect me with emotions I am typically detached from. The first time I heard this song, it reached right into me and reflected the love, frustration, and desperation I try to deal with every day. So, while these words and this melody are not of my creation, I think the music in all its entirety reflects how I feel far better than I am able to express on my own. The band is called The Script, and they hail from Ireland. I think they are very talented and very in touch with the music that is inside of them. It seems that every time I feel overwhelmed by our string of bad luck, this song pops onto the radio. I know it's a coincidence, but it's a helpful one for me and I just keep plugging away.

"For The First Time"

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart,
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar,
And we don't know how,
How we got in to this mad situation,
Only doing things out of frustration

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard,

She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time,
I've got a new job now on the unemployment line,
And we don't know how,
How we got into this mess
is it god's test,
Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best,

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

But we're gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying things we haven't for a while
A while ya
We're smiling but we're close tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

[x3]
Oooooo

She's in line at the DOLE*
With her head held high (high)
While I just lost my job but
Didn't lose my pride

But we both know how,
How we're gonna make it work when it hurts,
When you pick yourself up,
You get kicked to the dirt,

Trying to make it work but,
Man these times are hard,

But we're gonna start by,
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,

Doing things we haven't for a while,
A while ya,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time.

Ooooo
[x3]

Yeah.....
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying thing we haven't for a while,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time

ooooo...., yeahh for the first time
(ooooo....), oh for the first time,
Yeah for the first time,
(just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
For the first time)

[x4]
Oh these times are hard,
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

{* DOLE is the unemployment line in Ireland}